How to find the perfect church

This is a time when there’s lots of movement, people moving cities or locations and are beginning to look for a church. These 11 practical ideas might help save you some time.

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Around this time of year when I was vicar of a church in London, we would see a lot of people moving into our neighbourhood and a lot of others moving out. Those Christians that were moving into the neighbourhood would often show up at one of our Sunday services and it was great to welcome them and get to know them a bit.

During that initial conversation, they would often tell me they were just looking for a church and that they were just checking us out.

“They want to feel at home and part of a community where they can belong and feel like they are growing in their faith.”

Now, to even get through the doors people will have first checked out social profiles and maybe the website for some practical details, which means they will have seen enough to explore further, and sometimes people might show up for one week and we would never see them again, others might return a few months later, and others may just keep coming back.

I did a lot of reflecting during that time because people are essentially looking for a perfect church. They want to feel at home and part of a community where they can belong and feel like they are growing in their faith.

Now of course, there is no such thing as a perfect church. In fact, a previous vicar of mine Sandy Millar would often say if you find a perfect church, don’t join it, because it will cease to be perfect. The point was that there is no perfect church and we’ll all bring our own baggage to the community, but that’s partly what it’s about. It’s a redemptive community. When I can become more and more free to love God more and more.

But it can be tricky to find a church when you move to a new area. There are different ways people can find a church that they want to commit to:

1. Social media – the main way people will begin the process of finding a new church. They might have moved to an area where there is a church that they have been following for a while. Or they started checking out some church profiles before they moved.

2. A Church near you – brilliant resource by the Church of England. Plug in your postcode, find your nearest church. It is extraordinary how many people use this site so it’s really important that churches keep it up to date.

3.Friends – one of the main draws especially in the 20’s and 30’s is to go to a church where you already have friends. So, if you’ve moved to an area, you’re likely to gravitate towards a church where your friends are. At least to check it out.

“like a plant without a pot, a Christian can begin to wither if it’s not bedded into the nourishing environment of a redemptive community on mission.”

When you move to an area, there is a certain amount of trying out a church to see if it feels ‘right’ and because in London there’s so much choice which makes it really easy to hop around and not really commit, I developed some practical suggestions to help people find a perfect church because my hope was and is to see people plugged into a church as soon as possible, even if it is on a trial basis. Because like a plant without a pot, a Christian can begin to wither if it’s not bedded into the nourishing environment of a redemptive community on mission.

While there may not be a perfect church, there will be a church that is a perfect fit for you in this new season. That doesn’t mean you will get everything you need or even be able to contribute all you want. When I say perfect, I mean that God calls us into a local expression of his body and there will be a sense of ‘fit’.

Here then are 11 ideas to help you find your perfect church: 

1.Spend four weeks going to the same church

When you head over to a church service for the first time you don’t get a full picture of what the church is like, what the community feels like, who’s around, what they’re about. Often in the summer it’s a bit quieter in terms of programme and core members might be away on holiday. So if you have a few churches in mind that you want to check out I would encourage you to commit to just one of those first and to do so for 4 weeks. That period of time enables you to have a taste of the community, give you chance to meet some core members and hear some of the story of the church and their own experience too. Equally, you might step inside a church and after one week feel quite strongly actually this isn’t going to work, in which case don’t try and drag it out for 4 weeks.

2.Commit to a church

Rather than turning up to a church service thinking ‘I’m just passing through’, why not think about committing to the church even if it’s for four weeks. The posture is very different. The former allows us to say ‘convince me that I should stay’, the latter enables us to say ‘why should I not stay’. Either you will find that the church you’ve turned up to becomes the church that God leads you to in which case you’re committing anyway, or you will find that it’s not the church, but committing to the church even if it’s for a few weeks is an expression of being committed to the global Church.

3.Assume it’s a local church

The incarnation of Jesus tells us something important about place and being present. John 1.14 tells us that ‘the word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighbourhood’. Jesus was locally present in Galilee for his ministry. He was physically present. I think this tells us something important about geography and being committed to our local community. As a pastor of a local church for more than a decade, being part of a movement that plants local churches, and growing up in a local church you might expect me to say this, but when you move to an area why not check out your local church. You may be surprised that God is calling you to belong, serve and grow there. Don’t just assume that it’s another church where all your friends are, or where there are more attractive features in another church like a bigger budget, or a bigger vision or reach. Simply ask God the question.

4.Can I be friends with these people

When you turn up to a church, you’re in discernment mode. You’re also in worship mode because you’ve turned up to a service and you’re joining in with the worship, but also as part of that worship, you’re saying ‘I’ll go wherever you want me to go’. God however want us to feel like we are part of a community and family, so if after a few weeks you’re looking around and you think you can’t be friends with any of these people, that may be an important piece of ‘data’ in the discernment process. It might be either that this isn’t the community for you to belong to in the longer run, or you don’t yet know about the wonderful relationships and friendships God will provide you in this environment.

5.Talk to the vicar or leadership

I’ve seen it takes quite a lot of courage for someone new to come and talk to the vicar. Those that do I find are much more comfortable in the church environment or have experience of being plugged into a previous church. But if you can, whatever your background why not see if you can try and chat to the pastor or one of the other leaders in the church. Alert them to the fact that you are just working out where you want to commit to a church. Get them to talk about their vision and their heart. Hear about why they love the church and what excites them about the community. Ask them where the Lord is at work and what he has been doing in the last few months. It all helps you build a picture and ultimately discern where God is leading you.

6.Find out about the life of the church

Normally the website or social profiles give you a sense of the life of the church. What’s going on, who’s who, what the focus is, what the teaching is like, what’s happening. Then on a Sunday I would encourage you to talk to the person next to you and find out how long they’ve been coming, where they’re involved, what the church is like. There might be a welcome pack or welcome coffee after the service where you can find out more too. Again, the idea is to build a picture as quickly as possible to help you work out where God is leading you.

7. Don’t church hop

We’re already said this in the opener, but the temptation is to hop around to various churches week after week. But isn’t this such a culturally engrained way of approaching things? We’re told if you don’t like something get rid of it, move on. If that relationship doesn’t work for you or isn’t making you happy, find another girlfriend or boyfriend. Your marriage is tough? Get a divorce and move on. Don’t like that product, find another one. We’re in a society that’s built for consumerism so ‘Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold’ (Rom 12.1-2). By resisting the urge to church hop you have an opportunity to enter into the work that God might be doing in that place at that time. By going slow and being present and committing even for a few weeks is very counter-cultural, but you might find the Lord in a suprising way.

8.Get known

We’ve said it above, but the idea when you go along to a new church isn’t just to turn up as the service begins and then leave as soon as it ends without talking to anyone. For the extroverted among you, turning to a place where there’s a room full of people will already been an energizing thought. This is your sweet spot. Go and meet people. Having lots of high level conversations with people. If you’re more on the introverted end of the spectrum you will be looking for the one’s and two’s that you can have a longer conversation with. In fact you might not have time to talk to anyone else because you really want to get to know the story and background of this one person in front of you. Both approaches are perfectly fine. Just get known. This is what happens in a church anyway, but when you’re finding out about a church, try and get to know a few people even in those few weeks. Maybe ask them to pray for you as you work out where God is leading you.

9.Turn up to things

This may not always be possible especially during the week if you’ve just moved to an area, you’ve taken on a new job, there maybe some other commitments at that time, but in those four weeks that you’re attending a church in that discernment period,  see if you can go along to something else outside of the Sunday service. It might be a small group, a prayer meeting, an after service pub visit. It all helps you build up a picture of the community and potentially your place in it.

10.Be proactive

This is another opportunity to grow in your faith, even in the process of finding a new church. Why? Because discipleship is about following Jesus into the places and context and communities and opportunities that he calls us. The Lord plays his role in that process obviously, but we’re not passive in that process. We are proactive. No one else holds the responsibility for prioritizing growth in our faith. We need to be proactive and intentional. It’s the same when finding a new church. We need to be proactive. We need to talk, we need to show up and meet people and pray. Finding a new church community is actually part of our discipleship journey. Get ready to meet the Lord on that journey.

11.Opportunities to serve

The picture of the body of Christ in the New Testament is that everyone has a role to play. We each come with different gifts and skills and passions. When we turn up to a new church one of the things you want to find out is whether there’s space for you to use those gifts and skills and passions. What will happen to those gifts and skills and passions as you bring them into the community. Will there be an opportunity for them to be nurtured and grown. It's easy to see something of the culture of a church when you look at the website, when you participate in a Sunday service, you will see whether there is a good representation of the community involved. Is there a sense of giving people space to grow. What are the stories that are celebrated. Who are the heroes. What is the focus.  Again this might help you in that process.

I could keep going, but thought I should stop at 11 practical things you can do as you work out where God might be leading you and guiding you in this search for a new church after having moved to a near area. Let me know if any of these have resonated with you?

If you’ve already gone through this process of finding a new church, how did you approach it? What did you learn. Feel free to comment below.