This abridged version of a talk from Stronger conference might very well change the course of your life. Read on if you feel like there’s more to life than this.

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We invited Yinka Ewuola to come and speak at the Stronger Conference earlier on this year on the subject on ‘Focus on the main thing’ and we thought you might like to have access to an abridged version of her talk.

Yinka is a Coach, Consultant and Strategist focused on supporting executive and entrepreneurial women to own their magnificence, win in business (or work) and thrive in life. She is passionate about business as a force for good, and believes in the importance of financial freedom for those seeking to make a powerful and lasting difference in this world - this is what she works to support.

The difference focus makes

“I'm so excited to be able to share some insights with you this evening, on the topic of ‘focus on the main thing’.

Focus is a word that we use all the time. I'm a mum, I have three sons, and I know that I use the word focus several times on a daily basis. But we use words often and don't necessarily pay attention to their meanings.

When I'm talking about focus, I am actually talking about ‘paying particular attention to’. It’s to bring something into a state of clearer vision, and even more intense vision. Focus isn't just about your eyes. It includes your eyes, but it's also about your mind, and how and what we set our minds to. The thoughts and stories that we allow to take residence. It’s also about our hearts. Our hearts really tell us what our focus is on.

There are lots of different types of things that try to grab our focus, try to get our affections, and try to  capture our thoughts. And an important and powerful thing to remember is that we need to really ensure that we're intentional in our focus.

If you've read anything to do with personal development or business development, you will be familiar with that diagram of concentric circles. It’s known as the ‘Golden Circle’ which was popularised by the author Simon Sinek, in his book ‘Start With Why’, because the middle circle tells us why the main thing is the main thing. It answers the question ‘why?’.

Of course, each context will be different. The question is, what is the main thing to focus on in business? What is the main thing to focus on in life in general? And how about relationships, of which we are so much a part. What is the main thing in our relationships?

Focus in business

So, let’s think about business. What is the purpose of business? You can ask one hundred people and get one hundred different definitions. One of the definitions I like is ‘solving a problem for profit’. I absolutely think and believe that business has such a powerful role to play in solving so many of the problems of this world.

Another definition that I really like is about ‘fair exchange of value’. When money is given, there needs to be an exchange of value. There needs to be value given to the person, the party or the community buying that product or service, Business has to have fair exchange. If it's unfair in either direction, then it is not a sustainable business. And the purpose of business is to create value for as many people or groups as it can. There is such power and opportunity and being able to do that.

As a Christian, I really focus in on Matthew 6.10, where we say in the Lord's Prayer, ‘thy Kingdom come’. I do believe wholeheartedly that my business is about ensuring the domain of the kingdom is seen and, and celebrated here. So, business has an incredible set of purposes, from my perspective.

Focus in relationships

But what about relationships? Often people spend a lot of time talking about happiness. ‘Oh, I just want to be happy’, and the purpose of a relationship is just about being happy. When we look, in the Bible, I'm reminded of the verse in Ecclesiastes 2.9, which says ‘two are better than one, because they get good return for their labour.’ And it gets me thinking about the purpose of a relationship, the purpose of being in connection with another person or another party, is that they should be better together than they are apart, and all of a sudden, that creates an entirely different dynamic, it creates an entirely different focus.

Focus in life

Then what about life? What is the purpose of life? Isn't that the biggest question? You know, we're fortunate to have so many answers within God's word, and Ephesians 2.10 says that we are ‘God's masterpiece’. Our purpose in life is couched in the fact that we are the pinnacle of God’s creation, which means the reason we’re here is connection and communion with Him, and we're here to what he has sent us here to do.

It sounds, you know, very different to what we're often told, but the fact is that we have been sent here with a mission, and it is our purpose to fulfil that mission. Matthew 5.16 says that you should let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father, which is in heaven. I love this verse, because it talks so powerfully about the fact that we have a job to shine our light, and to do so unapologetically and as authentically as we can do, so that people will see our good work, and they will glorify our Father in heaven. That, in my opinion, is absolutely part of our purpose, and therefore part of the main thing.

How to work out your mission in life

So the question then is how you know, what he sent you here today for, and the fact is that, unlike some of what I've just shared with you, it isn't the same for all of us.

This Mark Twain quote, makes me smile, ‘the two most important days in your life are the day you're born and the day that you find out why.’  I'd love to say that it comes to you on a specific day and you just wake up in the morning, but it isn't like that. Sometimes it's a journey to find out sometimes it's an iterative process. But the point is that you are made for a purpose, and there is a reason why you're here, and some of that, therefore needs to be about finding out why. But luckily for us, there are some clues about how we can find out why.

And some of those clues have been with us this entire time. The things we're interested in. Is it music? it business? Is it science? What are you interested in? What are you passionate about? What are your natural abilities? What kind of things do you play? What are your desires in a godly sense.

We were made in God's image, and there are areas of our desires that he has given us to give us clues about what we're supposed to be doing here, and so those clues give us a real sense of understanding. The fact is that each of those clues will be different for all of us.

The ‘euology’ exercise

But there is a powerful exercise called the ‘Eulogy exercise’ that can be useful that really brings things into focus for you. This is not something that I designed, it's something I discovered and augmented on the basis of working with different organisations, different clients and in different settings as a strategist and as a coach. The eulogy exercise is where you write a eulogy of your life, assuming that you have passed away, but you write it having lived the very best version of your life, and so you ask yourself questions like, well, who is reading this eulogy? How do they feel about you? What memories have you created together? What difference did you make to them in your life? What about in the broader community? In what way? Did you make that difference? And what meaning did you bring while you were here 

Now, I've done this exercise a number of times, the first time I did it, it was such an incredibly emotional experience. I really kind of went deep into a number of different questions and then when I looked at that version of the life that I wanted to have lived based on those clues, and my natural abilities, and my interests and passions and l looked at that in contrast to the life I was living at the time. They were as different as night and day and I knew immediately something had to change.

It can feel very morbid to think about your death and yet that’s obviously why it's so powerful. They say that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. The truth is you knew what you had you just never thought you'd lose it, and the fact is we do we live like we're never going to die. That's why we waste days. We waste days complaining. We waste days moaning, and the fact is that there is going to be a day when we're no longer here, and yet we live as though we're going to live forever. Focusing on the main thing is recognising that every day is unique and irretrievable, and so what the eulogy exercise has to share with us really helps us to understand.

There’s nothing like death to really bring a sharp focus into what you're doing with your life. If today was your last day, would it have been the last day that you would want as your last day? Because if not, then live tomorrow like it will be. The fact is that there is a sense of completeness about your life when you're thinking about your eulogy which is incredibly powerful because it helps you consider what's important to you about the legacy you want to leave, and it helps you begin with the end in mind.

Writing your eulogy now is such an incredible tool, because if that's the end you want, then that gives you the opportunity while you still have it to make a change to make a difference. To do a ‘course correct’.

Next steps

So now that you have that information, keep that eulogy version of your life in focus, because that will give you a sense of real purpose and real mission, and that will enable you to focus on what I believe is ultimately your main thing. With that in mind, focusing on the main thing is about getting clear on what that is for you, not for your parents, not for your pastor, not for any other person who would like to have a say for you. No, what is that main thing for you? Then when you’re clearer about that, pursue that. And then, as we think about how we go about pursuing that we again have so many opportunities to focus on the Word of God and to be encouraged, knowing that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and knowing that we strong in the Lord and in his in his mighty power. And by focusing on that, we get to live that eulogy version of our life, we get to leave that legacy, but we also get to fulfil that mission that he sent us here to do.”